Wow, I haven't posted for a while now! I think it might be too difficult to catch up on everything, so I'll tell you what's going on right now.

This week was, well, rough. We had our first week with both of our clinicals, and the amount of preparation that goes into these days is enormous. As expected, my classes move at the speed of light, and I feel way behind in my reading. I'm so glad I have the other people in my program, because it is nice to know that we're all experiencing the same feelings right now. It also didn't make anything better that I had choir rehearsal after choir rehearsal this week. By the way, come to the St. Louis Chamber Chorus concert on Sunday at Christ Church Cathedral! Ok? Ok :)

I'm trying to find the way to phrase my (what should have been totally obvious) revelation this week. I'm going into my clinical on the PICRU really wanting to impress my preceptor, because my mentor was a tech on that floor and loved it and I'm kind of thinking that would be a great job to have while in school. After clinical was over, I felt like I was the worst student nurse ever. It's so different from music. I went into college knowing I had a natural gift for singing, but I'm not really sure if there is a natural "gift" for nursing. And if there is, I don't have it! I called Matt to feel sorry for myself, and he says something totally obvious that made me feel better: Of course they're not impressed with you. You're just starting out on your journey to be a nurse. Tough love.

This is the point where I realize I'm being too hard on myself. One of my clinical instructors told me that we're going to feel like we have no idea what we're doing for the first couple years of nursing. This is going to be very difficult for me. I don't think my little brain can handle not feeling like I'm excelling or much less incompetent for that long.

I've been thinking about something my psych teacher said this week in class. He said that we don't sit there and applaud every good step a patient in a mental health facility takes, because they need to realize that the real world will not do that for them. I'm not sure if I fully agree with this statement, but I sometimes wonder what I will do when I'm out of school and don't have a teacher giving me those reassuring A's every once in a while...

In other news, Matt is in Nashville and about to apply for an apartment for next semester (exciting!). Also, my baby brother graduated today. Not from high school or college or anything big like that, but from 8th grade. And what did I do? I cried. I can't believe he's this old already. I really don't want to move away while he's in his formative high school years! I booked my hotel for Olivia's wedding this week! Ahhh!

So even if my post sounded like I hate nursing, I really don't. I'm going to work really hard this semester, and I know that it will feel that much better to know I worked so hard to succeed.