I have a bone to pick with Nashville drivers today, so I thought I would rant here in hopes some of those Nashvillians with road rage will read this and be put to SHAME.

Picture it. Sicily. 1942. No, really (but I hope you get that reference to Golden Girls). I was driving on one of the most busy roads in Nashville, because where I was getting my oil change happens to be on this road. I attempted to get into the left turn lane, because I needed to make a left. However, there were so many cars in that lane already going the OTHER direction, I was only able to get part way into the lane. So the people behind me go around me using the other lane. Totally understandable. It's what you do when you realize the person in front of you is in a bad situation and can't get to where they want. Well, this redneck (may or may not have been...I tend to see all the people in Nashville I get angry with as rednecks when I recount my memories) proceeds to lay on his horn and shout things out the window. What did he think I was going to do?? I had nowhere to go, and he was just being rude.

Here's a little lesson on how to use your horn, y'all (that was thrown in so even the redneck could understand). One should use their horn if someone is drifting into your lane or doing something that may well kill you if they don't stop. I even think it's acceptable to do a quick "beep" when the person in front of you is on their phone and doesn't see the light turn from red to green. Thus, the unspoken rule is that if you lay on your horn out of anger, you are automatically a jerk.

That being said, I want to thank Nashville for even being willing to stop in the middle of the road in heavy traffic to let someone turn. I, being from St. Louis, have to remind myself you do this here and of course I want to play by the rules of your culture and not look like the aforementioned jerk. Unless it's rush hour. Then, I am vicious and stop for no one...which I also expect from everyone else rushing home. That's another unspoken rule. You can be kind of selfish during rush hour.

So since my post is road/traffic/car related, I had my oil changed today and I appreciated they didn't try to BS me about needing repairs or anything. Thank you very much. Also having a car stinks. Maintenance, gas, parking fees, insurance (thanks, Mom...I'll take that one up soon)...some of my best friends live in Chicago and have no cars. I would miss the convenience of having a car, but it's all a moot point anyway because Nashville would be impossible to navigate without a car. Well...not impossible but you would have to sit at home every night and live close to your work. I walked to my voice lesson at Vandy from Matt's apartment today, and it's such a gorgeous walk through cute little residential apartment areas. I would love to live there, but it's SUPER pricey. I also wouldn't feel hipster enough...by the way, I love thinking about the new apartment Matt and I will live in (!).

So there's my rant. If you ever pass through the Nashvegas, avoid West End or Hillsboro Pike at all costs...

Hello again, blogworld! I guess it's about time for my seemingly monthly post (definitely don't do that purposely!). Currently, I am watching the new movie version of Sherlock Holmes...not because I've heard it's any good (I've actually heard terrible things), but it was supposed to be shown at the park on Wednesday and I LOVE going to free, new activities like that. Speaking of this park (it's my favorite in Nashville), there was a shooting there a few weeks ago. This surprised me and shook me up a little, but, as Matt pointed out when I told him this, there was an execution-style double murder at a Steak n Shake right by my house a couple years ago. You just never know. Anyway, that was the only free Movie in the Park I could have made it to. My luck is such that I work EVERY Wednesday the rest of the month when they show them, so that's great.

Speaking of my job...I was in the last group to self-schedule for the month of July, and it ended up terribly for me. I now know that I need to schedule right at the stroke of midnight and need to have ALL my days I want planned out. Oh well, I guess I learned this time. I'm just frustrated, because I unfortunately ended up with EVERY Saturday night in July. Great. Also, I'm working when Matt's family comes down to go to the Smokey Mountains, so I obviously cannot go, and Matt's friends from college are coming down a weekend in which I work every day. Great. I don't want to sound whiny, because obviously only working 3 days a week has its perks (such as my 8 day vacation last month without using vacation days), but sometimes I wish I weren't awake and bored at 1:30 AM on a Thursday.

Bored isn't the right word. Lately, I've felt really...restless. I'm not really sure why. I crave for an adventure...to do something new and different. I don't even know what. I know I just moved to Nashville 6 months ago and started a job, but I still feel this way. I feel this need to do something new everyday. One of Matt's books he's reading for class said something about feeling restless. I can't remember now, but it was something negative and meant your soul is missing something. I've thought maybe I need a creative outlet back in my life...I need to look more into taking voice lessons. I would really like to audition for the Nashville Symphony Chorus, but I don't think it will be possible for me to get off every Tuesday night for rehearsals. Maybe I need to find some way to volunteer? I applied to volunteer at the Red Cross, but all the orientation training dates don't work with my night schedule.

The things most on my mind lately have been the wedding, Criminal Minds, and money. I'm excited to go home for the 4th of July weekend, because we're going to look at about 6 potential places to have the reception. Matt, both of our families, and I are going, so I'm excited to have everyone's input. I want everyone to be happy, and I'll be more excited about someplace if everyone else is, too. Hopefully, it will be smooth sailing after picking the reception site. I also L-O-V-E fireworks, so therefore I love the 4th of July. Anyway, I have become obsessed with Criminal Minds, and it is Matt's fault. We have rented some seasons from the library. Thanks to that and ION TV, we might have seen them all soon. I'm kind of in love with Dr. Reid, but don't tell Matt ;) As for money, this is super dumb, but I have to start paying back my student loans starting this month and I'm starting to worry about money. It's daunting to know I'll be paying off something for 10 years. Matt has been worrying, because he doesn't get his stipend during the summer, so maybe he's making me nervous, too. I don't know. Weddings are a big expense, you guys, but I know that money is not all that matters so I need to stop worrying. Like right now.

Anyway, I hope you all are doing well and not feeling restless like me :) I did forget to say that I bought a groupon for a makeover over 4th of July weekend, so maybe I'll have to put pictures up later! Love you all.

One of my friends wrote on my wall the other day he was so happy to see I'm keeping up with my blog. I think he may be crazy, because I feel like I haven't updated in forever! All the times in my life where the most is changing, I don't think to update because the amount to update is so overwhelming! I'll try to think of some highlights.

I am officially off of orientation. I'll be all on my own starting Monday. I'm nervous, but I hope I can handle everything. The good thing is there are always people around to help out. I'll never be truly alone. I might have a lot of responsibility (oh, just you know, people's lives in my hands), but I have people to ask questions of and to help me. I look forward to the day when I can repay them and am just so efficient that I have time to help them out, too.

I think I struggle with a lot of things other new nurses struggle with (maybe this can help any nurses-to-be out there). We're told it from the beginning, but prioritization is one of the biggest. No day is like another, and there are always new needs to juggle. It's difficult when something unexpected happens or conflict occurs (which seems to be almost inevitable almost every single day) to know what to do. It's difficult to get out of a patient's room who is a talker. This one was difficult for me, because I feel like a lot of patients just need someone to talk to and listen to them. Unfortunately, if you did this, you would neglect the rest of your patients. It's difficult to know when is appropriate to contact a doctor and whether it's appropriate to call them at 3 AM to tell them something about a patient. Most of all, I have had to learn that I am not superwoman and am not going to save all of these people's lives. I come into their lives, and I do what I can to help. I cannot do everything for them. I have nights that are extremely stressful (they are getting fewer now), but I go home happy knowing that I am doing something meaningful and something that is helpful in this world.

This summer has been super fun so far. Matt's out of school, and it's so nice to have more time to hang out! It's also so nice to hang out with Matt when no serious homework is looming over his head. It's funny how much of a difference it makes. He did really well last semester. I'm proud of him. Part of me wishes he were finished with school soon, so that I could always hang out with super fun Matt! He's taking a class this summer where he gets to go to parts of Nashville he and I don't usually see and see what urban ministries are occurring here. He's having a blast. Basically, we've just been watching wayyy too many episodes of Criminal Minds (thanks ION TV for the marathons) and eating too much Jet's pizza.

Last weekend was really fun. Matt was out of town, so I was determined not to just sit around on my butt in my apartment. I hung out with my friend Kendra who works at the children's hospital. She's really great. We watched "Say Yes to the Dress" and went to this BBQ place one of my patients was raving about (it was pretty good). I hung out with Jaye, who is starting her master's at Peabody next Fall. I hang out with Matt's friends down here, and I suddenly realize I am the only one not pursuing a master's (yet)...though I do have more degrees ;) It's nice to be making money, though!

I discovered last weekend there is a Plato's Closet here, and I introduced it to Jaye, who LOVED it. I think she and Matt's sister have similar tastes in clothing. Matt's family is coming up the week Harry Potter comes out in July, so I am preparing to buy us midnight tickets to see the final installment(and it won't even mess up my sleep schedule)!!

But before that, Matt and I are planning on seeing Bridesmaids this weekend. I've heard really good things about it, and I'm excited he actually wants to see a chick flick...or is it even a chick flick? It's about weddings and has Erin from "The Office" in it, so I'm in!

I need to start writing in here more, because I want to have more time to write about the little things in life that make my day :) I love reading about that kind of stuff in my friends' blogs. Until then!

Here I am, awake at 4 AM, not able to sleep. I looked out my window. There are no lights on in other apartments. It's kind of a strange/peaceful feeling. I have a basic arrhythmia test tomorrow, but besides that, I'm free. I hope I'll sleep after it.

Matt came over when I woke up to make some chicken parmesan (obviously not really chicken...plug for Morning Star), and I got some spinach/artichoke dip from Trader Joe's a coworker was raving about. It was surprisingly good, but nothing compares to the dip from The Duck at DePauw (maybe it's all the memories that come with it, though).

I haven't been able to get enough of Matt lately. I'm a little bummed I won't be able to see him tomorrow (our schedules are a lot different...good thing I only work 3 days/week). Maybe it's because I'm still feeling a little insecure at work, and I'm looking for comfort in other aspects of my life. Two of my nursing school friends wrote on my wall they missed me, and it made me miss having friends I can be "real" with who are going through the same things as me right now. The other two new residents on my floor are great girls, but I haven't really gotten to know them well yet. I'm meeting with another nurse resident soon for some Sweet Cece's soon, so I'm excited for that and to hear how things on her floor are going. I'm going to Sweet Cece's on Thursday for the birthday of one of Matt's friends from home. I think I am officially obsessed with froyo!! Oh, and Jet's Pizza...Matt and I seem to have that about every other week. Oh gosh, I'm realizing how healthy I'm sounding...

I had a patient last night who was really scared of needles, and unfortunately, her IV wouldn't draw and I had to stick her. I was literally shaking, because it made me nervous she was nervous! I was so excited when I got it on the first try, though :) I was looking through a notebook I started keeping of quotes I like, and I thought this one fit that occasion and, really, almost any occasion I have at work: "We learn to swim by swimming. We learn courage by couraging." I'm just going to keep on couraging until everything comes naturally. Where are all those acting skills I supposedly acquired from DPU? ;)

I finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife...more like devoured its 500 pages in a few days. I'm not sure if I should read more books like this one because they're just so fun, or if this stuff is too close to what I would think romance novels would be like. Or maybe I've just had time to read educational books for the last few years, and now it's weird to read things for pleasure and I feel guilty? Who knows. I guess I'll go back to studying this basic arrhythmia course book and hope it puts me to sleep soon...

Sooooo, since my last blog, I have been matched. We wrote a little blurb about our top 3 favorite units, and I honestly couldn't choose between the cardiac unit and one of the general medicine units that also administers chemotherapy. I had Matt edit my blurbs about them so it would sound like I liked them both equally. I decided to leave it up to the fates of the unit managers, and I figured the floor that had more positive feedback about me and wanted me more would choose me. Welllllll, I ended up on the general medicine floor, and I am so far really happy. If you're wondering what a general medicine floor deals with, it's a little bit of everything. We get patients who are not critically ill enough to be in ICU's (although I have been told our general medicine floor is what an ICU would look like at surrounding hospitals), and they come in through the ER, from the clinics, outside hospitals...we even had a few surgical overflow patients the other night. I think it will be a valuable experience for me to be introduced to so many different disease processes. I'm thinking I want to be a nurse practitioner in the non-acute setting, so I think it will help me to be familiar with and recognize everything.

That being said...it can be a little overwhelming to be introduced to everything at the same time. I remember one of my professors in nursing school telling us that most of learning how to be a nurse is done on the job. I thought that was a ridiculous statement, because we were learning so much in nursing school, and I figured there couldn't POSSIBLY be more to know than this. However, he was right (which is unfortunate, because he was kind of full of himself...I think he would admit to that, too, so it's not too mean). I went into nursing, because I wanted a job where I would be learning new things all the time and never get bored. I also wanted a job where I felt like I was making a difference everyday. Now, here are the problems with that and being new: I am too not bored. In fact, I am pretty much overwhelmed from beginning to the end of shift (granted, it is already getting better, and 3-4 AM can be a little slow). I feel like my job is so meaningful during those times patients thank me or I know I was able to do something to make their lives a little better. Sometimes, I don't have all the knowledge or the resources yet to help them as much as I want, and that can be a little upsetting. As I said (and I know Matt's told me this, too), I can tell things are already getting a little easier. However, I have to come to terms with the fact that things are not going to be perfect overnight. Gosh, I struggle with that word "perfect." I will never be "perfect." I will, though, eventually be a great nurse. This is going to have to be a process, and I need to accept that.

I think I need to say that again. I am not going to be a great nurse right away. I will try my hardest, but I am going to have to be easier on myself. I will be honest and say there have been a few days where I come home and cry. I just cry about how incompetent I feel at work and how I don't feel like I am an asset to this floor's team. I am stronger than that, though. I can and will accept constructive criticism and will find strategies to improve the way I function at work. I realize that, for the time being, I'm going to have to write down EVERYTHING so that I don't forget. I haven't had to deal with remembering everything that happened during a 12 hour shift with all 5 of my patients and everything about their medical histories. I can't wait until the day it just all seems to click.

From talking to Matt and my mom tonight, I found the strength to finally come to those conclusions and not ignore everything and hope those feelings went away. I love them and don't know what I would do without them :) I've also realized that I need to take time for myself do things I really enjoy. I was brainstorming some things that really make me happy. Obviously, music makes me happy, but it's kind of a more complicated relationship now that I've studied it. I have to turn off my knowledge about it and just appreciate it. That's hard to do sometimes, so I thought of some other things that really make me happy. Exploring and traveling make me happy (I think this could apply to Nashville as well..doesn't have to be international or anything). Trying new restaurants makes me happy. Candy and icecream make me happy (maybe more than a few of these deal with food...hahaha). Reading novels makes me happy. Hanging out with friends makes me happy. I hope I can find many more hobbies and maybe even volunteer opportunities here that make me happy. All I know is that I want, no NEED, to spend more time doing these things when I'm away from work. Jaye and I are going to a gourmet popsicle place tomorrow and watching some Big Bang Theory tomorrow (super excited!).

Beside that, last weekend was fun. That bar I talked about in last post was fun...I tried some beer that almost had a Fruit Loop aftertaste. I have no idea what it was called anymore. We watched Inception with some friends, and it was definitely better the second time knowing what was going on. It's so funny being awake right now on a Thursday at 2:30 AM. I peeked my head out my window and saw some lights on at other apartments. I always wonder what everyone else is up to and why they're up. They either work nights like me, are students studying late for a test, or maybe insomniacs. Those are my theories :) I'm just more perplexed by why the birds are chirping right now...

Hello again, blogging world! I'm sitting here at the library with Matt while he does his homework, so I thought I would take this opportunity to write about what's been going on lately.

So a few weeks ago, my friend Jake came into town from St. Louis, and I showed him around Nashville. We walked around the Vandy campus (because the weather was gorgeous! much like today...), went to the Pancake Pantry (this place is seriously worth the 1 hour wait to get in on weekends), went to the Loveless Cafe (supposed to have some of the best Southern comfort food around, but I really think it was a big disappointment), and we went to see Spring Awakening! It was an amazing musical, and I love the musical and the content. I was a little disappointed by how Act II wrapped up so quickly, but I had some super high expectations going in as my old roommate from DePauw, Lauren, talked about it ALL THE TIME.

The next weekend, I went home (Matt did, too). We were planning on talking to the Magic House about having our wedding and/or reception there, but it didn't work out. We went up there, and Matt showed me the general set up for wedding receptions. I think it would be a really unique and fun venue. There's a lot of natural light, and people could explore the new wing of the magic house during the reception (we have some kids in both of our families). I really like how you can look down from a balcony on the second floor to see the festivities going on on the bottom floor. People could walk up there and chat as well. The place where they take tickets by the main entrance can also be converted into a bar. We really like this venue, because it is special to us (Matt works there) and the friend who introduced us (shout out to Carlie!) used to work there as well. It sounds like it would be all on us to basically figure out all the rest of the details and set up and tear down everything by ourselves. We still have to figure things out. It's about a year out in June, so we have a little time, but I get anxious about these things.

While we were home, we went to a trivia night at my church. We didn't win, but it was a lot of fun. I also ended up buying (quite impulsively) a small organ/keyboard from a silent auction. It's pretty awesome, and it sits in my living room now. I'm sure my neighbors love it...

The next weekend, my parents came to Nashville to visit, because it was Doug's spring break. Yes, I've had a lot of visitors lately! We checked out the Opryland Hotel. There was a Twilight convention going on (no comment), and the hotel was gorgeous with its indoor garden. We walked around Centennial Park (my fave park here), went to Sweet Cece's (I can't live without their fro-yo now), and went to a couple malls. We had a lot of fun.

This week has been a little more back to normal. Matt surprised me with a date at a nice restaurant here with AMAZING food called the Germantown Cafe. We have plans to go to a bar tonight with his friend called the Flying Saucer that is supposed to have 150+ beers. Should be fun. A couple of nursing friends and I went to the Greenhouse Bar on Thursday, and this bar is literally a greenhouse. It was kind of neat.

I'm basically avoiding the biggest thing weighing on my mind this week. We're getting matched to our home units on Monday, and I'm a little nervous. I feel like I could be happy and learn a lot anywhere, but it's still stressful to think they are deciding where I will be working for a minimum of 1 year on Monday. I hope everyone is happy with the results of our matching. I know some are set on certain units. I am SO ready to just start orienting on one unit and getting to know the same people every week. They're announcing where we're all going at a ceremony on Monday, and there will be cupcakes (yay!). Luckily, we get emails beforehand, so we can process where we're going before we have to face other people if we are disappointed. This whole residency has been a positive experience for me, and I am very glad I ended up here at Vanderbilt. I know my job is going to be difficult a lot of times, but I'm hoping I'll learn a TON about medicine, dealing with people on an everyday basis, and coping with everything I see.

I can't wait blog about my adventures of my first job on my new floor! Miss you all.

I just found this and liked it...real post to come soon!

All of us in the medical profession are asked to walk many thin lines: between not taking our work lightly and not internalizing the inevitable and necessary weight of it. We must be strong for our patients but not so strong that we lose our capacity to empathize. It takes a special constitution to show up to work daily and perform with excellence the tasks that are required of our work.